In Loving Memory

It's one of the most difficult conversations you can have. Especially when your theology completely differs from the person you're speaking with. Death is a very hard thing to deal with and it is especially hard when you lose your mom's best friend, a friend so close that she becomes your aunt.

The funny thing is I was really at a loss for words. It would be cold and cruel to say that no mom, I don't think that she is in a better place she simply doesn't exist anymore, but such words would be cruel. I think on some level even the most religious people know that the proposition of surviving death is complete bullshit based on reactions to death that are melancholy rather than joyful.

Still atheism hasn't turned me into a cold person completely lacking of humanity, I love my aunt and am very saddened by her somewhat early departure. I also feel a bit of guilt in not working harder at an earlier age to fundamentally change the eating habits of my family so that her life could have been longer.

Still we only have one shot at this. Christopher Hitchens said it best:

"I know what's coming. I know no one beats these odds. And it's a matter of getting used to that and growing up and realizing that you're expelled from your mother's uterus as if shot from a cannon towards a barn door studded with old nail files and rusty hooks. It's a matter of how you use up the intervening time in an intelligent and ironic way ... and try not to do anything ghastly to your fellow creatures."

My aunt may not exist anymore but she does live on in our memories of her and the good things she did for the people around her. She did know how to make those around her feel good. She defied the odds surviving a life threatening gun shot wound. We all succumb to death at some point, but she was a survivor.

 It’s not that hard to cope when I just keep her in my mind.  I will be remembering her by wearing the cologne she loved the scent of more than anything Cool Water By Davidoff.  I will also go ahead and make her favorite cake.  One that she nailed all the time, I wanted to give a little refresh to the classic pineapple upside-down cake recipe by adding in bourbon soaked black cherries as opposed to the typical maraschino that are typically used.  I also wanted to use fresh pineapple.  It’s not quite the same as hers though it is quite tasty.

Knowing that our time on this earth is so brief is what makes every moment so precious and we've only got one chance to make it count. I will look back on all of those time and experiences that we've had together lovingly. She was an amazing person. Whether your beliefs are that she is in perpetual worship of a divine creator or like me you think that her life is just over, you can't  argue with the fact that she lived a good life and will be missed by many. 

everyone who terrifies you is 65% water. and everyone you love is made of stardust, and I know sometimes you can’t even breathe deeply, and the night sky is no home, and you have cried yourself to sleep enough times that you are down to your last two percent, butnothing is infinite, not even lossyou are made of the sea and the stars, and one day you will find yourself again

 -f. butler

Pineapple Upside Down Cake

Ingredients:
-1 Fresh Pineapple

-20 or so fresh cherries

-2 ½ Sticks of butter

-1 ½ Cups sugar

-2 ½ cups all-purpose flour

-2 teaspoons baking powder

-½ teaspoon salt

-½ cup milk

-1/3 Cup Pineapple Juice

-½ Cup Brown Sugar

-3 Eggs

-½ Cup Burbon

-About 15-20 cherries pitted

Method:

1. Preheat oven to 325 F.

2. Thinly slice the butter and use it to line the bottom of a 12” well seasoned cast iorn skillet. 

The wet Ingredients should get to about this consistency.

  Sprinkle ¼ cup of the brown sugar on top.

3. Reduce the cherries with ¼ cup of the brown sugar and the bourbon until you are left with a very thick sauce.

4. Arrange about half of the pineapple, cut into slices about a quarter inch thick, along with the cherries in the bottom of a 12” cast iron skillet.

Spread the butter on bottom of the pan before topping
with brown sugar

5. Mix Sugar, about 5/8ths of the pineapple (2 Cups roughly chopped) and a stick and a half of butter in the food processor until you get something about the consistency of apple sauce.  Add in the milk and pineapple juice and mix to combine.

6. In a separate bowl sift together flour and baking powder.

7. Transfer the batter mixture to a bowl and mix in a quarter of the flour mixture followed by an egg until incorporated, alternating between the flour mixture and the eggs until it is all mixed together.

8. Carefully pour on top of the cherries and pineapple.

9. Bake for one hour.  Allow to cool for about 15 minutes before turning out the cake onto a pan.

Arrange pineapple slices and cherries as artistically as
possible